We need to define what are good manors with social media.
The number one reason why people don’t like social media is because of how rude people’s comments can be. People say things on social media that they would never say in person, but because of the impersonal nature of being online.
To make social media positive we need to more considerate when making comments on posts or sharing reviews. We need to create some basic rules about how to properly interact. Well, in our personal interaction we do, they are called manors.
Manors define what is appropriate to do or say in public. All of us learn to have good manors from social interaction in school, church, and even with family from an early age. When you would say something disrespectful at the dinner table, or in class, the adults in the room let you know really quickly that was not alright.
There seems to be no rules on how to interact or what to say when we are online.
I would like to suggest, the 4Cs, or the four comments, as a way to define what’s appropriate interaction and what’s not. The first two are positive and the last two are not so useful, and should be avoided.
There are only 4 different types of comments people make to one another; chit chat, communication, correcting, and combat. Each of these 4 have a particular style the defines them.
Chit chat is a light and easy why people share about their day and their lives. The focus of chit chat is to create a friendly connection with those you encounter in you life. In person it maybe a “Hi, how are you?” While online, it can be a “like” or a comment like, “I love it.”
Communication goes a little deeper, and here you are sharing your truth about something. In person it could be opening up about your feelings, “I felt sad after you left yesterday.” And online it should also be about your truth. “These kinds of posts make me sad.”
Correcting is the next level of disclosure and it represents me sharing about someone’s truth. Here I am telling another person what he or she did wrong. In a relationship it has huge toxic consequences. “Why can’t you see the way you talk with people is hurtful?” This is a double correction, telling that person they are wrong for how they talk to others, but also wrong for not seeing how they talk. This will start a right fight for sure.
Online, where the relationship between people is not so connected, it has the same poisonous effect, but it justified with self righteousness. “You’re completely wrong in how you’re seeing things.” Now, the other person’s truth maybe different from yours, but comment only leaves room for one truth. In our correcting mode differences are not allowed but instead right or wrong.
Combat mode, or when a comment is combative, the focus is on hurting someone else. Correcting is not the objective, but instead the goal is to put down, hurt or belittle the other person. Typically in a relationship these remarks are made after one or both parties have been hurt by the other. The unspoken goal is to hurt the other person so they can feel the pain you maybe feeling.
In social media far too often comments are combative, hurtful, without provocation. “Go away and die you dumb ass.” These kinds of remarks more common in social media, and should be eliminated because they don’t add any value.
Let’s all be conscious about our comments, and focus our remarks on being light and connecting as we chit chat with each other. When you need to share a deeper truth, communicate it as your own.
The correcting and combative comments need to end. When we disrespect someone’s ideas, feelings, or beliefs we not only hurt the other person, but we damage our own ability to communicate in healthy ways.