Have you ever tried to get rid of negative feelings like anxiety, depression, or even anger by getting frustrated with those STUPID feelings?
I am getting good at asking the dumbest questions because of course, we all have.
Well, the new Star Wars movie, Rise of Skywalker, tells us why that’s not going to work. Sounds strange but, yes a movie, even a star wars movie has some psychological answers for you when it comes to what’s effective about dealing with negative feelings.
I like the phrase, “you can’t hate your way to happiness”, and even if you are not a star wars geek you will see why hate doesn’t work to get rid of negative emotions.
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I’m Brett, your favorite shrink, and I want to start you with my story of Star Wars.
Back in May 1977, my Dad, my brothers, and I all went to the Chinese Theater in Hollywood to see the primer of the first Star Wars. I, like every young man, saw myself in Luke Skywalker. He was ready to launch from home but had no direction. Then something amazing happened and his life suddenly had purpose and direction.
That movie inspired me to do something great with my life, to make a difference, and change the world. I didn’t become a jedi, but something almost as cool, I became a shrink, a mental health professional. And in my own way I was fighting the darkside of myself and others. I was learning to deal with feelings of anxiety, depression, and anger.
Well, when the last one came out in December of 2019, I flew my son and I back to LA and we saw the final episode at the Chinese theater in Hollywood.
Like I said at the first, this blog is not going to be about the movie as much as the message in the movie. Particularly, I want to focus on the final scene where Palpatine was destroyed. (Spoiler alert).
Rey (our heroine) finally encounters the sith lord Palpatine, and she’s ready to cut him down. And Palpatine is pleased as could be. Killing him in anger will solidify the anger and darkness in Rey and turn her to the dark side of the force.
Star Wars geek or not, this makes sense. You can’t kill hate with hate. 1 + 1 = 2. Hate and hate, only creates more hate, right? And yet that’s what we are all doing with our own emotions. All negative emotions cause our limbic system in our brain to generate high frequency brain waves, known as Beta waves. Anger, fear, sadness, confusion, frustration, all negative emotions produce Beta waves in the brain and then are distributed to the peripheral nervous system through the rest of the body.
The way you feel negative emotions, or Beta waves, is a feeling of collapse, or a tension in your body. Negative emotions feel as if the energy produced by that emotion is turning inward or collapsing.
Positive emotions produce theta waves, or low frequency brain waves. These lower frequency waves feel like they are expanding, or moving out. It is associated with the feeling of flow. Now, flow can cancel out collapse. Good feelings, like love, joy, and happiness can block and eliminate negative feelings if they are strong enough. (+2) + (-1) = (+1).
And guess what? That’s what happened in our Star Wars movie. Rey used the positive energy (love) of the force, not anger, to blow away Palpetine. Rey connected to Ben Solo, and then to all the other Jedi of the past to create such great love it destroyed the negativity of Palpatine.
You may now ask…what does that have to do with you and your negative feeling? Well, it works the same way. “You can’t hate your way to happiness”, as I like to say it. No amount of self hate, shame, frustration, is going to get rid of your anxiety, depression, or anger.
If you want to get rid of negative emotions, that feeling of collapse, you will need to use positive feelings, or flow. Sounds crazy right? Love your depression? But that is the only answer.
I like to see my negative feelings of anxiety as a scared little boy. This does two things for me.
- Disassociates me from my feelings.
- Gives me compassion for those feelings.
First you will need to stop identifying yourself as a negative person. “I’m anxious”. Or, “I’m depressed.” You are not your feelings. You have feelings but YOU are not those feelings. Check out our workshop called the SEVENS to learn more. The first free bonus week will introduce you to this new idea.
Second, you need to bring positive loving emotions, like compassion, to those collapsed emotions. By seeing my fears as a child I can allow myself to hold the small boy and love him. Which works much better to dissolve those feelings than trying to kill those feelings off. I call this technique “holding”. And you can learn more from the workshop called the SEVENS.
At the end of the movie, an old woman asked Rey what her last name was. She answered Skywalker. That’s because Rey stopped identifying with the negative collapsed feelings of being a Palpatine, and started to see herself as loving and compassionate, like a young man named Luke Skywalker.
Good, bad, or whatever, make some comments below and let’s learn from each other. We are better at creating change together.