Did you love Toy Story 4? I did.
What I liked about it most was that it was a wonderful review of our seven stages of life or what I sometimes call our seven developmental needs. You know what those are? Right? You know, the stages you need to pass through in order to find happiness and joy?
Well, if you don’t know them, then Toy Story movie was a perfect example of those different needs. Check out this post and find out what you need to find happiness and joy.
Your feelings of depression, anxiety, pain, or upset are often the result of being stuck in your own emotional growth process. Here at the Gathering we don’t see people as sick, mentally ill, or broken. We see you as blocked in early childhood phases of life. To find happiness again, you need to grow and start moving through the seven stages of life.
Let me start with by explaining what the seven needs or stages are. We have windows of development where key needs dominate our growth. If we don’t get through these needs we become stuck and unhappy in our lives. We are like all living creatures and we need to continually grow or it creates pain, until we do grow. Growth takes you into a greater state of connection with yourself, others, the world, and spirit.
Your Seven Developmental Stages
- Safety- 0-3 years old. The first need is the most important. If you are not safe, nothing else matters. During the first few years of life, babies need to know they are safe by connecting to their parents.
- Desires- 3 to 10 years old. Objects and desires become a way to connect and control our world. We connect to things like blankets, dolls, toys and games.
- Loved- 11-19 years old. We want to connect and prove our worth outside our family, our home, and our things. Connecting to peer is our primary focus.
- Loving- (others) 20-40 years old. As young adults we are learning to create our own families and learning to love others, more than being loved, is the key here.
- Loving (self) 40-50 years old. We need to love ourselves or we burn out and develop co-dependent relationships. Mature adults need to find their voice and love themselves.
- Seeing (something greater) 50-60. Life can’t be about ourselves. In our later years we learn to see beyond getting our needs met, and start to connect to something greater.
- Servicing (something greater) 60-80. Service and self surrender connects us to that which is greater, being humanity, injustice, or God (the great spirit) provides us meaning and purpose.
So there is a quick overview of our human needs. Let’s look at the movie and how these different needs came out with all the characters in the movie.
Forky was the central figure of the movie, Toy Story 4. And as his character progressed you could see him moving through the stages.
When we first met Forky, he was scared of everyone, and everything. The only place that was safe was being in the trash. This was interesting because it reflected where he was with is own self worth. He didn’t feel like he was good enough to be around others. He saw himself as trash and therefore only felt safe being in the trash.
Bonnie being 5 years old, she was in her second developmental stage and she focused on bonding to her things. Forky was created to help Bonnie feel safe when she started at school. In this second stage we measure our sense of self based off our stuff, or connection to toys, and possessions.
These two competing stage of development created the beginning tension in the movie. Forky didn’t want to bond with things or people, he only wanted to be safe, in the trash. And Bonnie in her second stage of life went into a panic when she lost her connection to her stuff, or to Forky.
Now the third stage of life is when we connect to peers. And that’s where Woody was at first. He was losing his relationships with his peers as Bonnie was bonding with Forky.
As the movie progresses we meet Gabby who was struggling with her third need to be loved. She was locked in an antique store only rarely played with, and she would do anything, and even hurt anyone to be loved. This lowest level of love seeks even at the harm of others. This stage is all about GETTING love.
The next stage, #4, is about GIVING love. Bonnie’s parents were wonderful examples of fourth stage love, holding and comforting Bonnie even when they thought she was overreacting, or overly attached to trash. Typically, we see Woody balancing between stage 4 and 5. When he is at his best he is giving love with little regard for anything in return. But the changing dynamics with the other toys has pushed his anxiety up and he has dropped back to being kind to get love and approval in return.
At this point the movie takes a huge twist and we are reintroduced to an old friend, Bo Peep. Over the years she has changed, or grown. She’s strong. Bo Poop has found herself and her voice. She is the perfect example of stage #5. She is loving others and has learned to love herself along the way.
However, she lacks something she doesn’t even know she is missing, purpose. She is living for herself and her tribe, but according to our sixth and seventh stages of life, there has to be something more than ourselves.
This is where the movie gets interesting. Woody and Bo Peep have always had a thing, a little chemistry between them. But now she sees something in him, purpose, that makes the connection so much more.
By the end of the movie, Woody has again transcended this childish needs to be liked by others. He has moved to a point that does not care about himself, because he is serving something greater. Woody can now see how he is helping others to grow, and is willing to sacrifice himself for others.
Woody is not thinking about his world, his group of friends and family, he wants to help even his enemy Gabby because he feels a draw to live for that which is greater than himself. Woody’s pushing into the seventh stage of life, service.
You will also notice that Forky has moved from stage one, feeling unsafe, to stage four, loving others. He starts to like himself as he spends time with Woody and even Gabby. Then he is about to feel the love of the group of toys. By the end of the movie he is starting to love, and he is a new Miss Forky.
If you are following along, you mostly notice I jumped over stage 6, seeing. The best example for that stage was Buzz Lightyear. He learns to listen to his inner voice, his intuition. Seeing happens when we can see something inside himself that is greater than ourselves.
Toward the end of the movie Buzz becomes curious about listening to inner truth. At first he is only hearing his own recordings. Which is exactly what we all do. We listen to our own recorded negative voices and think it’s truth. But by the end he was hearing beyond his inner recordings. He is able to tap into intuition, which is what happens when we are in the sixth stage.
One stage is not better than the next. You can’t try and be more aware of others and basically be selfless. Each stage needs to happen and you need to grow a self to give self away. Grow where you are.
Comments on below where you are and what you are learning in your own development. Also if you want to learn more about the SEVENS, or the seven developmental needs, I have a seven week workshop at the GatheringofGoodPeople.com.