You’re Not the Problem!
I have been doing therapy and practicing therapeutic techniques on myself for all my life, well since I was in my early 20’s. Maybe it’s me, maybe I am a slow learner, but I find at the core of my personality, I am still anxious and depressed. I am not nearly as bad as I was when I was growing up. Everything I have learned has helped and I am much better. But all said and done, my ego, my body/mind, still suffers and struggles.
Where I find my greatest joy is when I can step outside myself, with meditation, connecting to others, or throwing myself into a project. Focusing beyond my ego, is when I find the greatest happiness. Loving others brings me joy, but that too has to be balanced as I learn to love myself as well.
I think maybe psychology has gotten a few things wrong, and I want to suggest maybe focusing on your ego can be a never ending black hole. That does not mean I want you to throw out the baby with the bath water (which by the way is a horrible phrase). Psychology has a purpose and fills a need, but I do what to suggest maybe there is something more to happiness than positive affirmations, and dealing with your childhood.
3 Considerations/Suggestions
Let me suggest three new ideas.
- Not being sick does NOT make you healthy
- Focusing on fulfilling your Ego does NOT make us happy
- Joy comes when we go beyond our Ego
Sigmand Frued was a medical doctor who created the field of psychology. He addressed medical problems from the point of view understanding the mind and our personality called the Ego. It is this medical model of emotions that I want to challenge. Negative emotions are not pathological. And the relief of negative emotions is not the same as being happy.
If you have ever been treated by a doctor you know they have a bias of focusing on pathology and illness. The basic idea is that if they can cure you of what makes you sick you will then be healthy.
Is that really the truth? Currently, I don’t have a fever, a cough, stomach pain, or any other symptoms of a health condition. But does that mean I am healthy? Just a few minutes on a treadmill will tell me, I am not. I could climb on the scale and see my BMI (body mass index) is not unhealthy, but it’s not healthy.
Being healthy involves, not an absence of symptoms, but state of fitness. Mental health functions similarly. Not being suicidal doesn’t mean you a happy. True unregulated emotions can cause depression. However, one has to learn to have regulated emotions to be happy.
If you have some major illness, that must be addressed first before you can begin training for a marathon. And in the same way if you have tons of trauma you can’t ignore it and begin to build positivity. So there is clearly value in working on past pain and problems. But that alone will not make you happy.
On to our second point. And what if you spent your life fulfilling your Ego. Do you believe that would make you happy? If the basic tenet of psychology. Look at those people who money and fame, yet they are completely miserable. Can you think of a famous person who has killed themselves? Fulfilling every need and want does not make us happy.
Psychology focuses on learning to control your thoughts, feelings, and actions, as a path to human happiness. How’s that going? I wonder if it is possible to control all our thoughts, and emotions. Personally, I have done a lot, and I am feeling better about myself. So there is some truth in the idea.
My experience has shown me that simply keeping happy thoughts and always staying positive does not completely fulfill me. Joy is something that lays outside mastery of every thought and feeling.
Our third point goes to the idea of what does make us happy? Well, research would show focusing on others, and not of self, brings us joy. Meditation, and quieting our mind’s chatter improves our mood. Interestingly, focusing on being thankful for all our stuff, creates more joy than focusing on the stuff.
Give two college students $20 and ask one to spend it on themselves and the other to spend it on others, and the data shows clearly the one who gave it away was happier. Focusing outside ourselves, beyond ego, thoughts, and emotions is where we can find joy.
The bottom line is this-
Psychology has not changed since it started 150 years ago. Maybe it’s time to look at all we have learned from science and re-examine some basic assumptions. Maybe, having a level of ego-strength is essential, but happiness is something so much more. Consider that happiness may just require us to go beyond our ego and learning to love others as we love ourselves.
Resource-
Check out our seminar called the SEVENS that help people look at their seven human needs. The first three are ego based, but the next two focuses on loving others as well as yourself. And the final two teaches you to love something even greater than yourself (God/Truth/Spirit).
I have been doing therapy and practicing therapeutic techniques on myself for all my life, well since I was in my early 20’s. Maybe it’s me, maybe I am a slow learner, but I find at the core of my personality, I am still anxious and depressed. I am not nearly as bad as I was when I was growing up. Everything I have learned has helped and I am much better. But all said and done, my ego, my body/mind, still suffers and struggles.
Where I find my greatest joy is when I can step outside myself, with meditation, connecting to others, or throwing myself into a project. Focusing beyond my ego, is when I find the greatest happiness. Loving others brings me joy, but that too has to be balanced as I learn to love myself as well.
I think maybe psychology has gotten a few things wrong, and I want to suggest maybe focusing on your ego can be a never ending black hole. That does not mean I want you to throw out the baby with the bath water (which by the way is a horrible phrase). Psychology has a purpose and fills a need, but I do what to suggest maybe there is something more to happiness than positive affirmations, and dealing with your childhood.
3 Considerations/Suggestions
Let me suggest three new ideas.
- Not being sick does NOT make you healthy
- Focusing on fulfilling your Ego does NOT make us happy
- Joy comes when we go beyond our Ego
Sigmand Frued was a medical doctor who created the field of psychology. He addressed medical problems from the point of view understanding the mind and our personality called the Ego. It is this medical model of emotions that I want to challenge. Negative emotions are not pathological. And the relief of negative emotions is not the same as being happy.
If you have ever been treated by a doctor you know they have a bias of focusing on pathology and illness. The basic idea is that if they can cure you of what makes you sick you will then be healthy.
Is that really the truth? Currently, I don’t have a fever, a cough, stomach pain, or any other symptoms of a health condition. But does that mean I am healthy? Just a few minutes on a treadmill will tell me, I am not. I could climb on the scale and see my BMI (body mass index) is not unhealthy, but it’s not healthy.
Being healthy involves, not an absence of symptoms, but state of fitness. Mental health functions similarly. Not being suicidal doesn’t mean you a happy. True unregulated emotions can cause depression. However, one has to learn to have regulated emotions to be happy.
If you have some major illness, that must be addressed first before you can begin training for a marathon. And in the same way if you have tons of trauma you can’t ignore it and begin to build positivity. So there is clearly value in working on past pain and problems. But that alone will not make you happy.
On to our second point. And what if you spent your life fulfilling your Ego. Do you believe that would make you happy? If the basic tenet of psychology. Look at those people who money and fame, yet they are completely miserable. Can you think of a famous person who has killed themselves? Fulfilling every need and want does not make us happy.
Psychology focuses on learning to control your thoughts, feelings, and actions, as a path to human happiness. How’s that going? I wonder if it is possible to control all our thoughts, and emotions. Personally, I have done a lot, and I am feeling better about myself. So there is some truth in the idea.
My experience has shown me that simply keeping happy thoughts and always staying positive does not completely fulfill me. Joy is something that lays outside mastery of every thought and feeling.
Our third point goes to the idea of what does make us happy? Well, research would show focusing on others, and not of self, brings us joy. Meditation, and quieting our mind’s chatter improves our mood. Interestingly, focusing on being thankful for all our stuff, creates more joy than focusing on the stuff.
Give two college students $20 and ask one to spend it on themselves and the other to spend it on others, and the data shows clearly the one who gave it away was happier. Focusing outside ourselves, beyond ego, thoughts, and emotions is where we can find joy.
The bottom line is this-
Psychology has not changed since it started 150 years ago. Maybe it’s time to look at all we have learned from science and re-examine some basic assumptions. Maybe, having a level of ego-strength is essential, but happiness is something so much more. Consider that happiness may just require us to go beyond our ego and learning to love others as we love ourselves.
Resource-
Check out our seminar called the SEVENS that help people look at their seven human needs. The first three are ego based, but the next two focuses on loving others as well as yourself. And the final two teaches you to love something even greater than yourself (God/Truth/Spirit).