How many times have you tried to change, or have started a resolution and it didn’t work?
Let me start off by saying…it’s not YOU. You are not the problem, and what you’re doing is not the problem. The problem is your driver.
You know the phrase, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” What that means is we all have good ideas, intentions, but dreams alone will not get you there. You need motivation that will sustain you on your journey.
Learn why change is not hard, once you find the right motivation and drive to reach your goals. Once you understand drives, you can motivate yourself toward any goal.
Thanks for joining the Gathering of Good People. The Gathering is here as a support system for your personal growth; emotional, relational, and spiritual. I’m Brett, your favorite shrink, and I will be helping you to grow.
Jenn came into the office discouraged. Like so many others, she made the resolution to
We are now about a month and a half into the new year. By now 80% of the resolutions we created have been dropped. The intentions are still there. Most of you still very strongly believe in your goals and dreams for the year, but you are NOT doing what you want to do.
My hope is to get you back on track and get your dreams going again. To help, let me ask you “why” do you want your goal?
“I want to go to the gym.” – “Why?” Look good, lose weight, get strong, or get ready for summer vacation.
All those reasons suck! Well, they are fine, but they have nothing to do with your emotions. They don’t produce any motivation.
Did you see what I did just then? I connected EMOTIONS with DRIVE and MOTIVATION. That’s because what drives you are your emotions.
The best place to learn this is through a marketing class. The point of marketing is to drive a customer to take action, namely purchase a product. There for marketing companies watch the research and psychology about motivation and drive very closely. What all the data shows is, 90% of what we do is emotionally driven.
If you want to get someone to buy a product then you need to stimulate a strong emotional response, fear, desire, joy, or self worth. If someone believes they are going to feel good about themselves because of a new piece of jewelry or electronics then they will buy it.
Think of this way. What are emotions? Why do we have emotions? Love, hate, fear, sadness, stress, joy, or anger, what are those feelings for? Emotions are strong electrical signals from your brain to your body. Those signals have one purpose, to drive behavior. Emotions are drivers.
You created a new year’s resolution, but did you sell your emotional brain on the idea? You have no emotions to drive that intention? For most of us, it’s WILLPOWER.
Willpower does not work, not long term. Telling yourself it’s a good idea to go to the gym will not stimulate any emotions, so you get yourself there by willing it to happen. Well, that can work a few times. But here we are a month or more into your goal and your will power is all played out.
What would be a good driver? What about feeling more confident? How about feeling good about yourself? Feeling healthy would be great as well.
Be careful!!! Those are great drivers, they are positive and motivating. However, if you get to the gym and you compare yourself to others and you walk away feeling less confident, bad about yourself, or feel pathetic, then you are building strong drivers to NOT go to the gym. The gym is producing drive to avoid going and to simply stay home.
Let’s pull it all together. Here’s what I want you to do.
- Look at your goal(s). Write out clearly what you want to do.
‘I want to go to the gym three times a week.”
- Also write what you want to achieve.
“I want to be able to run a half marathon this year.”
- Think through your driver. Why do you want to do that?
“Completing a half marathon would make me feel proud. I am also hoping to run with a friend and the time together training will be fun.”
- Each time you work out, focus on the feelings.
“When you go to the gym, imagine crossing the finish line. Let yourself relish the feelings of friendship as you work out.”
Most people focus too much on their goal and not on their drivers. You would be far better off to spend a few minutes every day imagining your goals completed. Dwell on the feelings you want to create. Pump yourself up and then the actions will follow.